I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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