No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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