Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
