I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
