Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
