Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
