I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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