Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
