I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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