How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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