when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
