were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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