So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
whose ass print is on the piano?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
