Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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