I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
