im six kinds of drunk right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
