wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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