Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
