Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
