yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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