This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
