my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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