Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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