she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
