Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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