capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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