Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
