Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
