he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
