omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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