Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
