ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
