soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
