The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
