Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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