Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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