you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
