Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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