member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
