question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
