Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
