I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
3pm strippers are depressing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
