And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
