so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's blow job season.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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