looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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