i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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