My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
