I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
