It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
BRING THE BAGELS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize