Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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