it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
