And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
