Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
