I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
