ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
