You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So vagazzling was a success
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