So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
