someone threw a dead crab at me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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