don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
