Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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