The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize