i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize