so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
