He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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