mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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