she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
