We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
