Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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