Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize