He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a search helicopter?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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