Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
