She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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