Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
