I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i think im in europe. pls send help
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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