i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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