Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Someone shit on the floor
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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