If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
