Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need water and some morals
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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