No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
