In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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