I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
