he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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