put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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