If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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