His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
