There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize