spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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