i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
