I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize