you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
