I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
there is glitter all over my balls
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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