david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
