If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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