You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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