Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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