Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think my fart just growled at me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
