I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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