Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
