You can't motorboat a personality
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize