What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
