we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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