I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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