a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
